When we think of abuse we just mostly assume physical abuse but abuse comes in different forms, 6 are major: emotional, physical, verbal, mental, economic and sexual abuse. This week on Instagram a beautiful model shared pictures (below) and stories of how she was physically abused, her injuries were horrifying but that is not the worst we’ve seen.
Do you remember the recent case of Mr. Arowolo that stabbed his wife more than 20 times, killing her and claiming she fell on the knife or something ridiculous like that? I bet that was not the first time he tried to hurt her. We need to learn to study the warning signs, everything isn’t covered below but they are definitely alarm bells that need to ring. If you have any more tips, please leave them in the comment section.
I JUST MET YOU Does it seem like the relationship is rushed? Kpa kpa kpa kpa dem don talk I love you, so quick! Nothing wrong with that because you perhaps feel the same. Kia kia, he has proposed, oya na to marry. Hmmm. Within months you’re married. You need to take things jeje just to get to know him/her a little better. Dating for long is not a guarantee of a blissful union but it does more good than harm if you try to take things a little slowly.
IT’S YOUR FAULT Have you heard about reverse psychology? It’s when someone does something wrong to you but they turn it around that you get confused and start apologizing for something they did! Don’t let your mind/ thoughts be easily manipulated! Do they do wrong things and then blame you for it? “It’s your fault I slapped you” “if you didn’t say such and such then I wouldn’t have shoved you”. “Your’re too stubborn that’s why I beat you” Don’t get it twisted my dear, it’s not your fault.
PLAYING DETECTIVE Do you feel like you’re constantly being monitored? He/She checks your phones for sms and bbm chats and sometimes starts querying any conversation they don’t feel comfortable with. They question why you come home and 5 minutes past 5:00 pm when usually you come home at about 5 minutes to 5:00 pm. They question why you’re dressed a certain way today, “who are you trying to impress?”, they ask. Hmmm. They want to know the who, what, where, when, how and want to determine it! They keep track of every minute detail of your life, they suggest what to wear, who you’re friends with, where you’re permitted to go…e. t. c.
YOUR BELONG TO HIM/HER Mild possessiveness is nice but obsession and other intense forms of possessiveness and jealousy is NOT cute at all. It is not healthy for couples to be together all the time, doing the same things, is this what your partner demands? Then you need to be wary… Possessiveness is not love, don’t confuse it. If they always accuse you of being unfaithful without good reason, then you need to worry. If they try to isolate you from from your friends/family by wither being rude or other behaviors, then worry.
HURTFUL WORDS Abuse comes in different forms, and verbal abuse is one of them. Does your supposed beloved call you unprintable names, just because they’re upset? That is not acceptable. Does he call you “bitch, oponu, idiot, ewu”? Does she call you “auofia, good-for-nothing, “oloshi”, “ode”? It’s not proper if they humiliate you in public or say something in front of your friends, family or colleagues that would obviously embarrass you. You can argue without need for hurtful words because you cannot undo words that have been said.
THREATS No one likes threats and no matter how small a threat is, it is still a form of abuse intended to manipulate. Does he/she threaten to tell people your secrets or things that you have confided in them? Do they threaten to share maybe intimate photos on social media? ( which is why you must never take any such photos) They know this will humiliate you, and they use it as a leash to control you like bingo. Don’t be a bingo.
PHYSICAL WITH OBJECTS So your partner is visibly upset and the next thing they do is punch the wall or break the television or fling the microwave against the wall….hmmm you need to be careful. Some argue that this is a sign that they are trying to redirect the anger but you never know: the day he/she completely loses it, na you dem go fling like paper.
PHYSICAL WITH YOU You get shoved today, you probably think nothing of it. You get poked in the chest the next day, and you still don’t think it’s serious. The day you get a slap, you are made to believe you caused it. Don’t wait till dem use belt wipe you before you know you’re in a physically abusive relationship. Physical abuse escalates, from pokes, to shoves, to slaps, to full–nakeding-you, beating you senseless till you’re in a coma.
If you are in an abusive relationship or know someone in one, please seek help! Don’t keep it to yourself.
