IF NA JOKE...

My Friend: So how did you kill that rat?

Me: Na my dog catch am oh

Both of us laugh hysterically…..

My friend: he he he kif kif kif ha ha ha…YOU hehe THIS hehe GIRL snort YOU BE MONKEY OH hehehe…

All I hear is screeching tyres……say whaaaaaat?

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Back to sender, you sef na chimpanzee...taaa!

EVERYDAY FOR THE THIEF...

“Oga nor be me oh! I dey go workshop!! Nor kee  (kill) me oh, na workshop i dey go!!!"

Those were the words that woke me up at 3am Wednesday morrin. I hear gun shot, naim i jump up comot from my bed like one kind agile antelope....i dey look left right.,up, down..who,what, how,wetin???!!! I run go the verandah and what do I see? My parents, neighbours and some unknown men flogging crase comot one guy body. Ahn ahn, this is 3am na, wetin dem dey flog this guy for na? Shooo....the guy dey hala! If evo (evil) spirit dey him body, d tin for don comot that night, even if evo (evil) spirit nor dey, he for confess winchcraft....cos the koboko wey dey wipe the guy ehn...nor be here oh!

What Should He Do?

Well, I was doing some waka jugbe (walk-about) in my area when I stumbled upon this gist;you know how the Bible says that "the footsteps of the righteous are ordered by the Lord...".Yup thats me!LOL. I saw people sitting down and na so this guy kon dey nack tory of him life.

He's married with a daughter, him say nor be say he wan really marry the wife wey he get for house oh, say na cos say she get belle naim everybody join hand for the marriage. He said he even denied the pregnancy sef, but when the pikin was born, she was his photocopy.

Fastforward 2 years later, the wife no kon fit get belle again...her family now took them to the wife's village to meet a jujuman, aka babalawo aka jazzman...the jujuman say make dem pay 70 thousand naira. They agreed to pay and like joke the woman carry belle the next month. 5 months into the pregnancy the jazzman say make them bring 700 thousand naira. Husband say hian! For wia? say make jazzman collect the belle back. My brethren, the next week complication, after complication plagued the pregnancy sotay doctors had to abort it. The doctor said that the fetus was in the fallopian tube and that they they had to cut one of the wife's ovaries. K leg number 1.

OMAWUMI IS MY SISTER!!!

Me sef I must claim oh. If you ask me  the beautiful Chocholata  is my 9ja Delta Sisteh!!She's doing such a fantasticbulous job that I cant help but claim and share a playlist!!! And Im also sharing cos na the same language we dey speak...lol....una no hear as the pidgin sweet for her mouth? Abeg, Omawumi is the true star of Nigerian Idols, she delivers! She is truly In the Music.

IF YOU ASK ME




IN THE MUSIC




TODAY NA TODAY




CHOCHOLATA




WHEN BREEZE BLOW

How to tell when your housegirl is about to Yapa!

Nor be small tin! I came home (Nigeria) for a short holiday and my blog-threns, what my eyes have seen so far....kai! I will start with this house-help gist. I met a girl when I came in, she has been working with my mom for about 2 weeks now, she comes in often to help out in cleaning the whole house, my parents are usually home by themselves and they have no energy or time to sweep all the rooms in the house. So my mom got this girl that comes once in a while to sweep, mop, wash dishes and GO! yes GO! But i don dey notice kpe e be like say Babym is trying to Yapa si wa l'orun! These are the signs I noticed:

1. She dey smile too much and laughs for no reason. I like staff that are happy working but abeg, hide that your seductive coy laughter somewhere. Oga ask you "Patience how are you"...and na so she go dey laugh life hyena wey dem totori (tickle)....erm, i dont like it, she gats to go!

2. She don turn the coriddor to her runway. She dey swing and sway around the house. Hmmm...I dont mind her walking, but swaying those okpelenge hips is giving me cause for worry. The way she dey twist ehn...Oluchi dem dey learn for their catwalk.