I was reading an excerpt from Seun Kuti’s interview with Encomium magazine and I found his opinion on why some marriages in Nigeria seem to fold up too quickly in recent times, he said because women are no longer submissive, I don’t agree with him. I’m not an expert on marriages oh, I’m a learner on the matter sef, I’ve been barely married 6 months but I think I’m a good observer. In response to this Nigerian woman and submission issue, here’s my 1 naira:
I won’t say I’m not aware that some marriages are failing these days, but I would not generalize. Just a few don’t make it and that’s sad, but is the reason because women are no longer submissive? Nope. Just because marriage is not 100% dependent on the woman making it work work work, wetin! Marriage is 100% dependent on the couple…each person should bring a 100%. Not even 50-50! Bring your best!
People are quick to say “our mothers stayed and made their marriages work but women these days don’t”…have you ever wondered why they stayed? Were they happy? A lot of these women were 100% financially dependent on their husbands for pant, toothpick even sanitary pad! They didn’t have the luxury and opportunities women now do. They had to stay and they did for their children, so that they don’t suffer. If they knew they could easily disappear from the scene…chai, some for run. Submission is not slavery. You cannot misbehave in your marriage and expect your wife to “submit”. You cannot force submission. If you have issues with your wife submitting to you, check yasef!
FOUNDATION – I believe that marriage is God ordained and that is where the foundation of your marriage should be built on. A lot are built on deceit, pretense…e nor go work. Not on looks because beauty fades. Not on intelligence because sometimes all you need is favour . Not on finances because all your wealth can disappear in the twinkle of an eye. Build it on character and the word of God. Old school to some, but it worked in the past, and it is still working.
IMPATIENCE – Yes, this is the Instant Indomie generation, everything must happen now now now! Instant happiness! Your husband must hammer, now! Your wife must be submissive, now! Your life must be perfect, now! But I don’t believe marriage is like that, marriage is about the whole process of growth… it’s only when you look back years later that you see how far you’ve come and grown. Everything good will come. Surulere.
SELFISHNESS – The minute you say I do, you should throw all selfishness out of the door; all forms of selfishness. Cheating, stinginess, pride, control, all these behaviors are selfish. It should be about the couple, do what is best for the other and your marriage will flourish. There’s no individual in marriage, na 1 + 1 = 1 still.
There are some of the reasons I feel some marriages don’t work, feel free to state what you’ve observed because there are more! I will add that traffic, no power and the government are also leading causes of divorce in Nigeria. LOL Yes!
