Nor be small thing my people. I have given my life to Jesus for the…maybe 1000th time in my life….(i think give my life at every altercall in a new Church lol-i know some people do this sha).
Anyways, I was on my way back to the UK oh. That morrin i arrange all my crayfish inside jeans pocket, put my kilishi inside bra for my box….so as to avoid all those customs people. Armed with my killer smile….i just breezed through customs…after a bit of sexual harrassment (bad customer service-why should the oga be asking for my number? i quickly dashed him my phone number b4 he will delay me) But wait oh, how many times will they search someone in 9ja? dem almost search me pull my payint! I don’t blame them, na all those mutallab i blame.
I said my goodbye’s, trying to act like a big chique and not cry, but for wia….d tears gather my eyes. No matter how many times you say goodbye’s, even when you know you will soon meet again, its always tearful. Anyways I boarded and the plane was hot. I mean people were sweating! But trust Nigerians na, some wear winter jacket INSIDE that heat! one even complained to the air hostess “my sisteh, turn on the air conditioner hia, it is hot”….the woman look am laugh “the the load off sir, your jacket isn’t needed and when the engines start running the plane will be cooler”…d guy no gree oh, he is going to Jand!
I sat with this newlywed igbo couple who just make me dey laugh….they ordered for double meals, chicken or lamb sir? both! …extra extra bottles of red wine, white wine, everything, tea? yes. Coffee?yes, coke?yes water? yes? ….dem dey chop all through the journey and them go whisper to each other (its like we can still ask for more oh)…dem wan go sell the wines ni? what was amazing was that they NEVER stood up to pee or use the restroom during our 6hour flight….where did all the food go?
Midway into this flight we hit turblulence…serious one. The plane just dey shake anyhow…and the pilot say make we tighten our seatbelt (and how i dread those announcements). Before you know it the plane is swinging…left right…gbugudu gbugdu gbugudu…like motor wey dey drive Benin-Lagos expressway! All the women don dey hala “Jeeeesos! save us”….Blood of Jeesssos!….” “Holy speereet”! Children are screaming and crying. I will not lie, i almost shit in my pants and i kept thinking…about how i did not hug my mummy as long as i should have, how i never marry and kpansh legally, how i abused that winter-jacket wearing man in my mind..how i did not focus on the safety instruction when i boarded …..infact my whole life was flashing infront of me! Its not even May 21st and….Mba nu!
After almost 2 hours of turbulence, we landed safely and I am glad im alive!!! All through the flight I kept remembering Bimbo Odukoya and all the lives lost in plane crashes. Life is fragile oh…and I think the luckiest people are those who grow old and die in their sleep. And my new prayer point forever will be “Lord let me grow old and grey and die in my sleep. I don’t want to die in a fire, accident, gunshot, sickness….just let me grow old and grey…”
