IF IT WERE YOU…?

Sigh…Im sure y’all know the tory about the oyinbo blue-eyed-blonde-baby that one 9ja couple produced, how they did it, I have no clue. Once again, we Nigerian’s make international headlines with unusual news stories…first it was our pata (underwear) bomber, then our super eaglets at the SA World Cup…now this! We have actually produced a white baby! Bravo Bravo! I’m actually waiting for the end of that story cos we know say e no go end there. Na so oh, that night after reading the news I went to bed and na so I dream kpe…

Fastforward to JULY 2021

I was pregnant with my 5th child oh and hubby and I were so excited about it- he had succeeded in naming our first 4 kids who were boys and I was so glad to be the one in charge of this one. Infact, I don get the pikin name since wey I dey secondary school, she was to be named ‘Pearl’ after one fine half-caste babe like this for my primary school dat time, so I believe say If I name my pikin after her, she go fine too. I was just excited about this baby, period. How can my hubby score goal four times and dem be boys? no even penality for me? I announced to everyone that I was having a girl and I begged all the fine girls in my church to be rubbing my belle while I waka far from dose wey wowo bellup them.

The duration of the pregnancy was very beautiful and hitch free except my nose was bigger and I ate for 3! Finally the delivery day comes. And goes. I begin to wonder whats wrong, but hubby tries to stop my worrying by saying that most special children are born past their due date and that its completely normal. Well, he’s a doctor, so I believe him. On the 2nd week past the due date, I was licking mango when suddenly, I felt something wet trickling down my thighs…ah! my blo blo has burst! Sorry,(in posh british accent-my water has brake.lol) I scream excitedly while one of my son’s quickly called out “daddy, mummy is weeweeing”. Hubby races in and off to the hospital we go.

I won’t bore you with gory details of my labour, all I know is that somewhere in between I cursed my hubby, I insulted Eve for bringing this pain upon all women and I tried to push when the nurse shouted ‘PUSH’! Suddenly the nurse eye wide as if she don see ojuju…I was wondering ‘what again’? na monkey I born abi na so d pikin wowo? Hubby was blinking in stupendous disbelief, while every other person was waiting for an explanation from me. My baby was white! Alu!!! Ewo!!! Even me I looked at the baby as the nurse handed her to me and I asked “sorry, please where is my child”? And the blue-eyed-blond pikin was handed over to me. I could not breathe. This has got to be some badly directed African Magic movie! So this child was mine? why are her eyes blue? why is she blonde…she’s cute but ,WTH!!!??? Somebody talk to me! I turned to look at hubby but he had since left the room.

An hour later my mom enters the ward and whispers in my ears, “my child, just tell me and I wont tell anyone, did u have relations with bomboy?” Bomboy was our albino gateman. “No mum,” I screamed. Why she go dey ask me this kain question? bomboy wey get body odour?infact wetin dem take me for sef? She left in a daze annoyed that I would so blantantly lie to her…my father did not come- I heard he disowned me immediately he heard I don born oyinbo. My in-laws came to see for themselves the ‘story of shame’ as they would like to put it.

Dr Maurice, a renowned geneticist who did a test on me earlier on ,comes in to visit me with the DNA results for the paternity of my baby…and yes, the baby was my husbands! and he had alot to say about my ‘miracle white bombshell’ and how genetics had bamboozled the whole world and yada yada yada…Before I knew, reporters don carry the news oh, warri FM, NTA, even CNN sef don hear. I forgave hubby and everyone for thinking I was an adultress. Suddenly, in walks Oprah…OMG! The paparazzi starts taking pictures but the lights from the flashes were bothersome so I kept blinking…

Rewind to JULY 2010

Na so I wake oh! Infact na the sunlight from my window wake me sef, not any nonsense paparazzi and I was wondering to myself, ‘true true if na me born that pikin, wetin for happun? If na you, or your wife?’ ,

Ps. I dont think the baby is weird or anything evil…I actually feel she is a miracle! 🙂