Beauty Blogger ZaraBeaute expressed her opinion about whose fault rape is and I want to address 3 points. First of all, I would like to applaud her bravado for talking about such a sensitive subject - the kind of topic that can destroy your career if you nor talk better tin. Remember This Post about Rape? I'll be brief:
She talked about the double standards and I agree on only that point. Men too get raped.
- ZaraBeaute said if you dress provocatively you should get what you want which is RAPE. I disagree and I'll tell you why.
- ZaraBeaute said that women in relationships don't get raped by their partners explaining that the lady probably enjoyed it oh but after the deed is done cries foul. I disagree on that point too.
- ZaraBeaute said some women go around "asking for IT". I also disagree with this idea.
Why I disagree with all of this is CONSENT! You gree for sex yesterday nor mean say you gree today. So yes, women can get raped by their partners. If there is no consent, if it is forced. If she doesn't want it.
- That a woman dresses provocatively shouldn't be the issue (although I believe men + women should be decent). THE RAPIST IS THE PROBLEM. The analogy of putting meat in front of a dog does not hold water.
- Nobody goes around thinking in their head, "Wouldn't it be nice to be raped today"? They may have made wrong choices but definitely not a plan to be raped.
- It's a pity there's still a lot of victim-blaming when it comes to the issue of rape, why does no one talk about the evil doer...THE RAPIST!!! When you blame the victim, you justify the rapist.
Whose fault do you think it is?
You should definitely read 6 Things Sugabelly's Story Tells Us About Rape In Nigeria.
You should definitely read 6 Things Sugabelly's Story Tells Us About Rape In Nigeria.
I agree with you, if we keep on blaming the victim how would they be able to speak out for help, yes girls need to dress decently but even if they don't that is no excuse for rape, a lot of focus seem to be on telling girls what to do, how to dress where and when to got out but guys also need to be educated and taught to respect a girls decision if she says no then no it is, imagine will a rapist go to the beach where most girls have on a bikini and rape them all then claim they dressed indecently and asked for it? that wouldn't make any sense, the problem is with the rapist not the victim.
ReplyDeletei am tired of people tell ANY human what to wear or do with their body. we need to raise our boys to be better and our girls with more confident. There should never be the talk of dressing better when it comes to rape because it is out taking power away from the person. How is a 5 yr old girl dressed that a man would still feel the need to rape her or a 65 yr old woman?
DeleteThe fault or blame goes to the rapist alone. He had the choice to commit the crime or not, and if he does, has no one but himself to blame as he alone is responsible for his actions.
ReplyDeleteAnd for the issue of the victim's dressing being the reason for her rape, then I guess we should not blame those who rape little kids. Afterall little kids are always running around unclothed or half clothed at home, so I guess they are asking to be raped by being unclad?
Inasmuch as I'm all for women dressing decently, I don't agree that someone who is not properly dressed is asking to be raped. If the rapist say he could not control himself, I wonder if the rape would still take place if he knows his intended victim is HIV positive or has some other infectious & incurable disease? If that was the case, I'm sure he won't go ahead with his assault, so that defeats the issue of the provocative dressing argument. I doubt any man would want to rape anyone wellknown to be infected with Ebola, even if she is walking about naked. In fact when he sees her coming he will take to his heels not matter how provocative her dressing is.
Well said Nelo, I totally agree with you. #sisiyemmieblogaddict#
DeleteRape cases is highest in India where they put on long regalia. And the victims are young girls. The issue of dressing is just an excuse.
ReplyDeleteI soley agree with you Sisi Yemmie. The rapist is the problem. How can someone say a 12 year old is asking for it? or a 30 year old is asking for it. The other day, I read about a ladies post on SDK's blog. She was raped in her own home by a guy she invited over. My very good friend tried to rape me in his apartment in 2008. I ended up breaking the vase on the punk's head. I told him, I'd rather kill him than have him rape him. Since then, I've been really cautious about going to his place cos we did some business together.
ReplyDeleteI repeat, the RAPIST is the PROBLEM not who gets raped! Some guys are just so stupid. I'm sorry, a man cannot get raped to me. How is that possible. How can the egg plant be hard during the rape?
Please pardon my ignorance if its possible.
www.lushglamweddings.com
Men can be raped anally. But if we are talking about penetrative sex with a woman, it can be rape too. Men are wired differently from women. The biology is different. We often equate erection with willingness when that is not the case at all. The erection is pure biology. Men are easily aroused and may become hard upon mere touching with blood flowing southwards. It's a mind thing. But when a woman (or a group of women) forces herself on a man and argues that because he was erect, he wanted it, it is rubbish. One of the key things that separates rape from sex is consent. We need to move away from the "when you say no you really mean yes" mindset. But Nigerian law agrees with you that men cannot be raped. The crime of a woman forcing herself on a man is called Indecent Assault and carries a lesser penalty than rape. I hope I have been able to help clarify things a little.
DeleteRapist are to blame at all time, I have seen cases where innocent, properly dressed, fully covered girls are been raped. Most times its not about the indecent dressing that causes bee raped, but the animalistic being in the Rapist. Bunlaby@yahoo.com
ReplyDeleteThere is just no excuse for raping a lady.the problem is that most of us guys interpret the actions of the lady folks wrongly.this is a fall out of so many misconceptions promoted by the society about ladies, even by ladies themselves. A lady smiles at you and think she wants you on bed.we need reorientation.
ReplyDeleteI find it utterly ridiculous that people still blame the victim for rape in this day and age. It is highly insensitive, inappropriate and callous.
ReplyDeleteAs far as there is no consent, it is rape! There's no two ways about it. It doesn't matter what she's wearing or whether she's married to the rapist or not. It is equally dehumanizing and Nobody asks for it.
Men with rapist tendencies need to consider healthier ways to channel their fetishes. I.e. Role play, S & M etc. but taking out your sick power play on innocent unsuspecting women is a crime against humanity.
Women need to stop enabling these men!
I got pissed and turned off the video at 6:42. Is this girl serious right now?! I can't believe she made this video. Didn't she think about her future and the implications it could have on her career. I'm just beat by the fact that she said all women should learn to dress decent because not all men have self control. So basically not all men can be held accountable but all women should and always will be held accountable because we're not men. Ok... And secondly, who the heck is she to talk about "provocative" dressing. That term is so subjective to whoever is defining it. For all I care, what she's wearing could be provocative to me, and according to her explanation that gives me the total and full right to rape her as I please, because afterall by my own discretion what she was wearing was seductive. Let me not say more. GIRL GETCHO LIFE!!
ReplyDeleteLady G
www.gabychronicles.blogspot.com
XOXO
Victim blaming is quite possibly one of the worst fall outs from rape. A person was violated but yet and still, she must have asked for it by the way she dressed, where she was and/or how she carried herself. People forget that baby, toddlers, women of "high decency and intelligence" and men get raped. They just chalk it down to the lack of decency of the "woman" who got raped. Tamar in the bible got raped by her brother. Jacob's daughter also got raped by a neighbour. This was in the days where the women were demure and covered their faces. Rape is about one thing and one thing only: POWER. It is someone taking what has not been willingly offered from you without care for your feelings, reputation and anything else. Clothes do not rape people, people rape people. The idea that women have to be out her "trying their best not to get raped" is ridiculous. If we focused more attention on decrying rapists and rape and not on "what was she wearing?", "where was she?" "at what time?" maybe we can achieve something more meaningful on the rape debate. In addition, marital rape IS a thing. It was judicially recognised in the UK case of R v. R. Once consent is withdrawn, even mid action, it becomes rape. It is just that Africa catches on last in these instances. Take the issue of domestic abuse that has been frowned upon for decades in the western world which is just catching on in these parts. Instead of focusing the discourse on how to go about not raising rapists that believe that a woman's mini skirt is an invitation to treat and they are entitled to take whatever they want from her, we have women out here being rape apologists. We women are sometimes our own worst enemies! Sorry for the epistle, it's just that this topic boils my blood.
ReplyDeleteThe rapist's fault ofcourse. No one would ever set out and wish to be raped whether dressed in decent or indecent clothes.It is appalling when the victim is blamed and the rapist is put in hiding.
ReplyDeleteMen should learn to control themselves and stop causing a life-long trauma for ladies 'cause that's what it leads to at the end of the day.
I just read the sugarbelly story and I'm so angry. I wish the government could just do something to stop this. Like a bill/policy.
I didn't even bother to watch the video. Any sane woman who will come up with these flimsy reasons to justify rape does not deserve my data. so the 5 and 6 year old kids that are getting raped dressed indecently right? there is absolutely no excuse for rape and the fault is with the rapist alone. Madam, Please stick to what you know and leave serious conversations for intellectuals, this right here, is all shades dumb.
ReplyDeleteThe rapist.
ReplyDeleteOftentimes the rapist is usually in a position of power and because of poverty mentality, Nigeria, Nigerians, even the church betray the victim by blaming the victim and moving on.
It's really painful but that is the culture.
People who do speak up are people who are confident in themselves and in telling the truth without losing contracts.