DEAR SISI: HIS MOM DOES NOT LIKE ME, SO I BROKE UP WITH HIM, DID I MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION? #LDR

“ Good morning! I'm an ardent reader of your blog since your 2013 birthday. Can I also use this opportunity to wish you and bobo a happy married life and blessings in your home 

Now to the main gist. I am a yoruba girl, i've been dating this yoruba guy for five years. Though we are not from the same state, his mum is from my state but we are not from the same village. And oh I forgot to add that all those five years we dated, it's been a long distance relationship, because I travelled to the UK to study for four out of the 5 years ‎and when I got back we didn't live in the same town, we only visit each other. We were fine, actually very fine. I knew he loved me even though we fight sometimes (which I think is normal in all relationships), and he apologises first regardless who started the fight, we were happy. Apart from that, he is my bestfriend, the one I told everything and the one I call first when I need to talk to someone or just cry lol. So just a week ago he called me to say there was trouble. Apparently he's been telling his mum about me and his intention to marry me. She had always said no but he thought she was joking, or she was just in a bad mood. Recently he brought up the topic again and this time she blatantly said no and even added that if he goes on with his intention to marry me, she was going to turn her back at him and he would have to find another mother, her reason was that his stepmum who was from my village showed her hell before his dad finally passed away and so she vowed her children will never have anything to do with people from my place (really? In this day and age? That was the same thing I said). he called everyone he could to talk to his mum but nope, same story. So I suggested we just let go of each other, we both won't be happy if his mum is not happy, and I love him too much to let his mum curse him cos of me, I think that is selfish. Also if we were meant to be, fate will bring us back together some how. 

Ok, here was what prompted my decision, my mum married my dad and there was no wahala o, only for mother inlaw to start hating her and even wishing her death cos she married her son. I don't want to go through that, I want everybody to be happy and I want my kids to have a grandma that loves them. My decision has been hard on both of us, been crying myself to sleep and still can't believe it's over and that's it. He still calls me which is the only thing I feel good about right now. Please how do I move on, cos I feel like a part of me is gone. How do I stop this pain and anger I feel in my heart. Do you think I made the right decision? Some days I tell myself I did the right thing and some days I think my decision is stupid. Has anyone been through this before, please share. Sorry the story is so long but you can edit it if you feel it's too long. Please can you post it on your blog, want to read people's opinion. Thank you very much. “

Hello Miss Tee,

Thank you for your email. Unfortunately some LDR’s do end up with broken hearts although I wish that were not so in your case. I understand the scenario you've painted…his mom is not happy to accept you and I’m sure you really considered the consequences which is why you ended the relationship. I believe a marriage or even a relationship where the family members do not accept/welcome you is going to be difficult to cope in. Yes, when you marry you live with the person you marry but you also marry their family and everyone needs a loving home to flourish in. 

The only question I want to ask is: do you think you really fought for it? From your explanation you seemed to let go immediately she insisted an that's understandable, nobody wants mother in law drama. If you sent this email to me before the break up I would have suggested you try to warm your way into his mom’s heart, by meeting her (have you met her before?) you never can tell if when she gets to know you better she’ll let go of her fears.  Or maybe you both should have given her more time to come around...just saying. 

It seems you're not at peace with your decision, and he still calls you, most of all you still love each other. Do you both want to talk about the option of making it work with his mom?  If he insists there's no way, then let it go. If he agrees, then you can give it a try. It might work, and then again, it might not, but I think you will feel better at peace with yourself if you knew you tried your best and it didn't work.

Most of all pray that God will guide your decisions because marriage is the biggest choice we make in life. 

Good Luck! I hope it all works together for your good,

PS: If you've been in this situation or have advise for her please leave a comment! She wants to know your thoughts too.