She gave a lot of invaluable advice and 2 that stood out for me were:
1. No matter the gravity of the fight you're having as a married couple., make sure you sleep on the same bed at night. It's difficult to hold grudges when body dey touch body and like the popular saying "body nor be firewood"...it aint! LOL.
2. She also emphasized on making sure couples do not disrespect one another because it is easy to take each other for granted.
From our short counselling at Church we also got a lot of advice: pray together, learn to forgive, play your role, wife submit to your husband, man love your wife. We wrote them all down like good students, as they say "marriage is an institution where you receive the certificate and you never graduate".
There's also little bits from friends and family: always "give" him whenever, spice up your marriage in the bedroom and kitchen (that was said with a mischievous wink) support one another, obey your husband, explore one another, man don't hit your wife...it goes on.
So over to you: what is the best marriage advice you got when you were getting married or what have you learned over the years being married, share with us the secret of your successful marriage/relationship. It is not just for my benefit, it will serve others who will read this post and the comments, so be honest oh! Definitely what works for couple A might not work for couple B but you never know...so share with us!
I'm on stand by with my plate of amala, waiting for your comments.
Dont start what you cannot finish. However, me i started plenty things that I could not finish and now im doing my best to manage things.
ReplyDeleteI got married recently (19th July 2014) and I would say that the best advice I got was from my mum-in-law. In her words 'When I call you to ask how is everything, all I want to hear is fine. Dont go telling your issues to anyone because no one can help you solve them. The only person who can is God and the both of you'.
ReplyDeleteThat was the sweetest thing she said... she is indeed an amazing woman.
Congratulations Sisi Yemi and Bobo Yomi. I wish you both all the happiness in the world.
Wooosh! That is some sound, godly and wise advice!
DeleteI love your MIL already. That is a good woman right there.
Deletewww.lifeasvira.blogspot.com
So true!
Deletewell to me the best advice i got thats worked for me so far is ....." Quarrel, argue and make up. the worst thing u can do to urself in a marriage is to keep things bottled up in u. it makes u unhappy and bitter and that usually begins the end of the marriage"
ReplyDeletethe best part of a fight is the make up.... hmm Yumyum. Bukky
I've bin married for just three years the best advise i was given back then was never starve your husband food even when you're quarreling.
ReplyDeleteI agree...hmmm Sisi yemmie you have a lot of wise readers o *now taking notes*
DeleteI've bin married for just three years the best advise i was given back then was never starve your husband food even when you're quarreling.
ReplyDeleteMy advice would be know which battles to fight and which ones to drop. Someone like me who's dramatic can overblow the tiniest thing. Sometimes, that stress is just unnecessary.
ReplyDeleteOh, and please please please make sure you do these 2 things now that it's still early o...
1. Pray together everyday, even if it's just 1 minute. If you can add reading Bible together too, do it.
2. LEAVE YOUR SOCIAL DEVICES outside the bedroom!!! It can be annoying when one person just wants to relax and have alone time, and the other person is busy chatting or playing Candy Crush (*innocent face) or browsing Instagram.
http://berrydakara.blogspot.com
Best marriage advice I got was to respect and love your hubby no matter what. Its easy for couples to get use to each other and forget that simple act of respect after a while. Also for couples that have been together for long (5yrs and more) and also for couple that start small (pocket wise). Eyi
ReplyDeletemine is never involve a third party when quarreling and i can boldly say that no one has ever come in between to settle anything for us we quarrel and make up on our own.our 5th anniversary is in dec.
ReplyDeleteBest advice i was given is to love, care, trust,respect support each other and most of all be submissive.buh my own advice to u guys is first, Am sorry goes a long way in a relationshp.neva go to bed angry.talk abt it b4 goin to bed.
ReplyDeleteBest advice i got , was always settle every misunderstanding with a gud round of *SEX*! And ,trust me its been fun . ** chuckles**
ReplyDeleteOmo, I don forget all the advice wey dem give me o...e too plenty, mostly unsolicited...lol.
ReplyDeleteRecently though, My wife and I were told to look at each other when we have disagreements. It's amazing how heated things often leave us with laughter when we stay connected.
Above all, give God the first place in your marriage. He has a neat way of helping us keep our eyes on what's important and reach deeper than whatever is going on, to find ways to get through stuff into a better place.
Again, happy married life Sisi. Wish you guys all the best thing that marriage brings. :)
Been together 26 years. Married for 15 years
ReplyDeleteI struggled to pick out the 'top tip' but my top 5 are:
- Never take each other for granted
- Love needs to be nurtured.....constantly
- Progress can only come if you are both working towards a common goal
- Your home is your castle. Put each other first, keep 'haters' out
- Finally, always act as a cheerleader for one another
Bless you
xxx
perfect contribution by naijamum. I love that for you, both parties work towards the success of the relationship.
Deleteall the people saying give him whenever, how about they start advising men to be more attuned to their wive's sexual needs. Go over to stella dimoko's blog and read what sex-starved wives go through.
Awesome Naijamum!
DeleteMy best advice was given by a friend at my bridal shower and it is "pick your battles wisely", not every issue has your name written on it so resist the urge to jump in and fight, if you must talk, then talk to God first, He always does a good job of reshaping your perspective. Nine years of marital bliss and I still hold on to these words.
ReplyDeleteWhen I got married on July 27th 2001, the best advice I was given then, was; NEVER meddle into the affairs of my in-laws, I should always be on the fence. Now, 13 years down the path, the most important advise I would give any couple is; be APPRECIATIVE of each other in every way, no matter how little, and watch your love grow stronger by the day.
ReplyDeleteOnce again, happy married life to both of you :)
Happy married life. i should get a pen and notebook to get write the advices down.
ReplyDeletelets talk pet peeves on www.lifeasvira.blogspot.com
Be his mother... all men are babies and they need to be mothered...
ReplyDeleteOh and always "give" him whenever, spice up your marriage in the bedroom and kitchen :)
Give hime whenever.....you go tire!!!!! Trust me. Iv been married for almost 4 years and i used to say i would give him whenever, wherever and at whatever time he wanted it. Fast forward after the birth of my son....like i said earlier, u go tire!!!!...lol...It has to be a two way thing. Sex is more enjoyable when both parties are there body and soul. Im sure we all know that. Anyway best advice I got was what I had to learn in marriage on my own, of course the hard way. Its easy for people to give advice theoretically but acting it out is a totally different ball game. What works for this family, may or will not work for your own family so.......Gods wisdom is what should be foremost in your marriage. That will help you overcome challenges and obstacles along the way....Cheers.
ReplyDeleteYes o,so true.marriage is individual and practical,you can learn from books and counseling but not depend on them.I have been in it for 3years now .It s really an institution with never ending classes.Firstly,you have to know there's a honeymoon phase,enjoy it while that last cos no matter how long you guys have dated,you will see the other side new to you.Do not think for your partner or assume he or she knows everything.COMUNICATE!,,always.That idea of not going to bed angry,has never worked for me cos I always need to think before I can talk,so find what works for u,but don't over do silence treatment.Dont be sneaky into ur partners phone or email cos u will see things u will never get the real gist about.stay out of inlaws matter o.dont be overly friendly with them.have ur own friends,don't make his friends ur friend cos they will everly root for him/her,not u.Dont let visitors outstay their welcome,decide on how long you want someone to stay in ur home .abeg don't be a sex slave,body can be tired too so let him or her know politely that u are tired,but give it to him or her as soon as possible.create a getaway 2geda and also take a break and get a 'me'time.ur need a confidant o,that idea of no third party no work jare,just choose wisely.Plan on when u want kids,no trick ur partner on getting pregnant and don't give in to people pressuring u,abeg bringing up kids is not buns.Be content with what you have.Be happy,it comes from within,no partner will give u happiness,they can only influence it,Be selfish and selfless at the same time.Above all ,pray and pray always.And when you are being abused,please run run run..Also make your bed your bed,not for ur kids.dont let ur room open to friends or anybody.let it be a holy sanctuary .Be clean and tidy no matter how tired you are,and hat includes your body and home.The list goes on and on.You learn on your own!.
Deletejust got married 2 months ago and what has been keeping me going is there cant be 2 masters in the house.know what he likes and dislikes.do not provoke your man to anger.dont put all your burden on the man,try to get something doing even if it fetches you peanut atleast you are bringing something to the table.
ReplyDeletelastly according to the islamic clerics he said be is maid and he will be your servant.may God see us through in the journey of life.
Hmmmmmm, I definitely enjoyed reading every comment, very interesting and wise of guys to be able to implement these advice in ur marriages. I am young, inexperienced and unmarried, and I hope am able to manage a happy marriage like u guys. May the good Lord continue to bless ur various homes, IJN
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks sisi for brings up this topic...
Hml. My advise will be to love his mum sincerely as if she were urs and neglect all d annoying things she might do. Call her from time to time and care abt her.
ReplyDeleteMake sure you build a strong relationship/friendship with your spouse be each other's best friend. Your friendship will wither the storm. www.secretlilies.com
ReplyDeleteBeen married since 2006, and the best advice (because i remember it everyday) was given by my mum - treat ur husband as you would your own blood brother (as your own flesh and blood). It has made me more selfless, more loving, more tolerant, more forgiving, and helped me to love the people that are close to his heart (his mum and siblings) .... and that for me is all that matters! :D
ReplyDeleteOnapina says- keep up d good work sisi..nt married yet but stil got some good words.
ReplyDeleteI am getting married soon and I have been studying a lot and getting a lot of advice from people.
ReplyDeleteI believe communication is ultimate
Never take your spouse for granted, Its so easy for us to see ourselves finish but we have to try.
Do away with selfishness because its not all about you anymore.
Pray together! Never underestimate the power of prayer.
Ladies, respect your husbands
Men, Love and adore your wives
Never take a major decision without informing your spouse.
Hope this would help someone out there.
R
ReplyDeleteBeen married for almost 5 years and these are the things I have learnt:
ReplyDelete1. Never say the *D* word. Always remember that marriage is an institution and the 2 of you are responsible for its outcome. Build it as individuals and as a team.
2. The way you treat each other will determine the way family, friends & colleagues will treat you and your spouse.
3. Be considerate of one another and do things for each other.
4. Do not forsake your family because of your spouse and never forsake your spouse because of your family
5. Do not allow undue influence from your family as this could bring about resentment on the part of your spouse especially if your spouse has reason to believe that your loyalty lies more with your family.
6. Work together as a team. Always say the 'We' word. .
7. Says things that will make your spouse feel good and look good in the eyes of others. Never put each other down.
My congratulations to you sisiyemmie. Hoping you will give your marriage as much attention and be committed to it just as you are committed to this blog.
Much love
Wendy
He he, I don dey fear
ReplyDeleteGod should be the centre
ReplyDeletewww.emetesmind.blogspot.com