NO CHANGE!

Yesterday I was trying to make dinner so I remembered I wanted some sweet corn but I did not have any at home, kia kia I drove to the nearest mart to pick one up, I got to the cashier and this all-too-familiar conversation ensued. 

Cashier: No change.

Me: Ok?

She looks away, perhaps wishing in her head I would disappear.

Me: Ehen?

Cashier: No change!

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Me: What am I supposed to do? Look for change for you? Why is she looking at me like Lucozade?

Mind you, I gave her 500 Naira, the sweet corn cost 250 naira.

Cashier: There’s no change.

I understand what no change means, what I don’t understand is why this babe cannot comot from where she stand to go and ask her manager or look for change at least! Shuo.

Me: Oya, where’s your manager?

Cashier: He’s not around, aunty abeg I want to attend to anoda customer... and she tries to dismiss me with that. But una know say I can stubborn pass he-goat, so I stood my ground.

Me: So because no manager you cannot get change? What you mean to tell me is that you have not sold up to 250 naira since morning? If I call the owner of this store will he be happy to hear this? Don’t worry, Let me see how you will give another person change today. 

Change appeared few minutes later.

If I count the amount of change I have left in these Lagos stores/kiosk/traders etc, e don pass 10000, ahn ahn! Please tell me I’m not the only person experiencing this No Change drama. I actually believe it is a new business strategy, you cannot convince me otherwise!

Another time I went to buy Meat Pie from this fast food outlet and because I was so hungry, I don dey munch the meatpie already, next thing the attendant just said “ aunty we don’t have change oh”… See me see wahala, I don almost chop the meat pie finish... The way he said it, he expected me to say “Ok, no wahala" and then gerrout of the place. I’m sorry, you’re not in luck today. If I want to dash money, I will dash. You have to give me my change sir, mo sorry gan.

So I told him, “ bros, you have to find change or I will drop this half meatpie and go away with my money OR we will bring the money and tear it into two so you keep your half and the half meatpie” he must have realized say he don jam Aso Rock: a hungry Sisi is a very very angry Sisi. Next thing this guy goes into their koro office and change magically appears!Hurrah! Mstcheww!

Another time I bought Indomie and expected change of at least 500 naira and I was told “aunty pick another thing worth 500 naira, we don’t have change” Hell oh Hell. Noooooo! I don’t want to pick another thing, give me my change. "Do you want Tom-Tom? Or Digestive Biscuit? Or Tin Milk?" He proded.

Do not fall for that strategy oh! That day mo gba change mi, nonsense and ingredients. Na today yansh dey back? If you like be doing big boy and big girl in Lagos, they will use "No Change" to finish your salary. My first expereinces: I always leave the change with them if it's less than 100 naira, if its more than then I allow them bamboozle me that I can come back to get it another time. I never go back. 

My eye don dey shook this time, make nobody try me. Give me my change!

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