The gist of how a Nigerian man killed his wife and chopped her body like a mallam did not escape me. At all oh! I was in shock when I read the story because I nor understand the kind evil spirit wey enter the man. Women have always suffered abuse since, no be today yansh dey back. But how can you do that to someone you love? Anyway I'm here to table this matter make una judge am!
I was having a heated discussion with some people, some say the woman naim make we blame (egbami), say maybe she bin dey nag the man. Ok. Some say na the man make we blame, afterall naim kill the woman. Let me dissect this matter the way I see it!
BLAME 1. I blame the man! Shooo! Imagine the way the wife felt as he was plummeting her and pounding her and then stabbing her...and then chopping her to pieces. Men should stop blaming women for iranu oh. Ahn! Kilosele! So because a girl provokes you na to slap her? when they see their mate outside they cannot fight oh, they will be flexing muscle for omo l'omo! Jor oh! If a guy hits a woman, its not because SHE caused it, its because HE has NO SELF CONTROL. A man who has self control will find it hard to cheat on you and harder to raise his hands on you, not because you don't deserve it, but because he is PRINCIPLED. If you beat your sisters as well, TAKE NOTE!
BLAME 2. I just have to blame women. We try to put up with a lot of nonsense. Ewo ni iranu?! He slaps you the first time, you still continue, belts you the second time, you no Ex am, sotay he kon dey beat you steady. I've said it before, na from clap e dey enter dance. Often, women suffering from Domestic Violence are always trying to save face and don't say it for fear of 'what will people say'. We always know the red lights even while dating. Shoving, pushing and threatening to slap you are red lights. Get out of that relationship fast! Getting married to him will not stop it. Marriage is no cure for a man like that. If you are ready to settle down, don't settle for rubbish!
BLAME 3. Family, Friends and Neighbors. Some how I just have to blame these people sha. If you know your child or friend or neighbor is chopping slap from her man steady why do we encourage them to continue. Is marriage by force? The advice usually dished out is 'your husband is beating you because of something you are doing wrong, go home and submit to your husband and save your marriage'. Everything na Submission! Abeg!
Ladies, empower yourselves, find yourselves a career and goal apart from Boyfriendry and Husbandry. Most women find it hard to get out of abusive relationships because the man is your EVERYTHING... Give yourself some bargaining power. If you ever decide kpe you love that guy so much you can't leave him even though he dey punch you steady, I will advice you to start self-defense classes, learn karate and buy a gun. If pesin bite your nose and e no fear catarrh when you wan bite im anus no fear shit!
PLEASE DONT LET GISTDOTCOM BE A WEIST! VOTE SISI YEMMIE HERE FOR THE NIGERIAN BLOG AWARDS!!!
u sha! u just wan blame everybody ehn?? LoL--well there is always more to a story than what we hear tho, but it still nor change the fact say the man chop am to pieces. *sigh*
ReplyDelete"I've said it before, na from clap e dey enter dance."---buhahahahh!! i like this!
I almost choked from laughter with the 'catarrh & shit' bit!
ReplyDeleteBabes, u wont kill us with laughter but you've raised very salients points. Marriage is not do or die!
This reminds me of the movie Enough by Jennifer Lopez. Karate lessons worked for her but do u need to go that far? Why not leave before u become a murderer or a corpse!
This matter serious gaan!
ReplyDeleteI don think am so tey, I no fit sleep. I even write epistle for my blog sef, but blogger fall my hand just swallow the post.
You see, I usually find it difficult to blame people if I haven't walked in their shoes cos it's really easy to sit in your cozy corner and say "If it was me ehn?, I would do xyz!"
I've surprised myself many times by acting/reacting in a totally different manner from when I was "making mouth", so I've learnt not to judge people and never to say never.
But this Titi's matter is an exception! I mean, how do you even get to a point when you beat your pregnant wife, gorge out her eyes and dismember her!! I even read in Punch this morning that he was bringing women into their home, so much that a neighbor couldn't identify which woman was his wife!! Who does that?! Who even tolerates that kind of treatment from a man?! Just to "keep" a marriage?!! I don't know oh, but like I said I haven't walked in her shoes, so who am I to pass judgement?
Before I leave a comment longer than the post, lemme just go jeje and think about my own life. May the day not come when a man will raise his hand to me, but heaven knows, that if I as much as smell an attempt, I will ____! Hmmmm, make I no just talk.
Na for inside the person wey get belle the name wey him go name him pikin dey, and as you don already talk am,
"If pesin bite your nose and e no fear catarrh when you wan bite im anus no fear shit!"
May God help us.
I want to take Karate lessons for me and my sister LOL. Let me catch that man first. Shei if someone annoys you and you know you can't beat or even fight the person, you'll look for other ways to resolve your conflict now.
ReplyDeleteHey I tagged you on the sunshine award at my blog.
I want to take Karate lessons for me and my sister LOL. Let me catch that man first. Shei if someone annoys you and you know you can't beat or even fight the person, you'll look for other ways to resolve your conflict now.
ReplyDeleteHey I tagged you on the sunshine award at my blog.
It is rather a thing of shame and highly embarassing that a man should hit a woman,it depicts insecurity,low self esteem and inferiority complex,I mad a similar post about how my brother slapped me even before this incidence happened and it still plays on my mind,now to get to the extent of killing her,haaaa!what ws the woman doing sef,like NIL said,there are ome women that will finish yhu if a man ever lift his hands on them.
ReplyDeleteI wish there was a way it could be stopped.
I forgot to mention that catarrrh and shit thingy,really hilarious
ReplyDeleteLOL @'If pesin bite your nose and e no fear catarrh when you wan bite im anus no fear shit!'
ReplyDeleteYou no go kill person
Seriously though....as long as women feel pressured to be a 'plus one', cases like this will continue.
We might shout and cry about this matter but women keep on allowing it. No man can disrespect you if you don't allow it. No matter how old a woman is, if she carries herself well, men full ground.
I am married but my motto is 'No be life and death matter'.
Woman suppose treat man matter like load for shoulder. As soon as d man wahala don dey too much, d woman MUST troway am!
ABEG...una girls make una hear oh!!! *double sigh*
@ Gretel
ReplyDeleteI just read your post about your brother hitting you and I'm pained.
You owe it to him to make sure he learns that this kind of behavior is not acceptable. I really hope you help him for the sake of the women in his future
{hugs}
Correct!!! You ve spoken my mind, even to the "self defense class & buying a gun". I too gbadun u joor
ReplyDeleteCorrect gal, correct post..abeg tell dem! D thing reach to vex!
ReplyDeleteI like the one about friends and neighbours, as in they can be annonying. I heard some old woman telling another young lady 'fi ori ti' meaning...hang in there' cos of children....WTF! its not by force, even God didnt create us to suffer in marriage
ReplyDeleteOn Point.
ReplyDeleteSisi Yemmie, come to think of it..u guys shuldnt blame d guy, something must have been wrong somewhere...we are in africa where Juju fit make anything possible...let's consider d spiritual aspect
ReplyDeleteTrue, self-defense doesn't hurt
ReplyDelete@ Gbemisoke,thanks so much,I will do my best.
ReplyDeletexxx
I like how you lightened the subject with your humor...
ReplyDeleteAbout the issue, I do not blame the woman at all at all. I reserve my blame for our Nigerian government and our Nigerian culture. It is unfortunate that with all the oil money, there are no social safety nets for abused women. This is why women continue to stay in abusive relationships. Even if you empower a woman to the teeth with all the skills and education out there, it would be of no use when there are no jobs for her to apply them to. To make matters worse, like you said, our culture looks down upon divorced women. I guess that even her parents must have urged her to stay in her marriage, just to save face.
Oh yeah, which reminds me, our religion is also to blame. I'm sure there were many people praying for her husband to change. Sometimes we need to stop praying and start thinking.
It is a sad situation.
thats right..i support ur blaiming jare.. Ladies and gents take karate or takwando classes..Yoga and pilates wont save you..
ReplyDeleteThis post makes a lot of sense jor.... the women have some answering to do as well, my take is " no be for marriage abuse de start o", I am sure you see the signs when you are in a relationship.
ReplyDelete"na clap e dey take enter dance"..true talk!
ReplyDeleteKarate lessons? abeg, just fashi the guy!
aseni.blogspot.com
I agree with every point you made. However I think if we really want to tacke this, it is in the hands of women. If we refuse to accept all these from the men, I believe it will greatly reduce
ReplyDeleteYou are so on Point! I was gonna blog about sumfin like this, thank God u nailed it. It is the women i blame, why still in the relationship/marriage when the man beats and punches you? Mscheww.
ReplyDeleteNa serious marra we dey take joke so oo but na correct talk you just talk full ground so eh.
ReplyDeleteNa your last paragraph na em been make sense pass o! lol Carry go abeg!
What he did was wrong! I don't care who is to be blamed or not! He committed MURDER, hence should be punished by the law!
ReplyDeleteR.I.P titi.
Marriage is not a do or die, GONE are those days, when a woman is defined by marriage...it's really a pity....*sigh!*
lol @ na from clap e dey enter danc! Love ittt!!
ReplyDeleteunfortunately another woman had to die for other women to begin to realise that staying in an abuse relationship is not the way forward.
This story tire me no be small. For this particular case I think the man has deep mental ill health. norrin else.
ReplyDeleteNa from clap e dey enter dance yes. no truer words. From shouting to slapping to punching to kicking to stabbing. It always starts in small ways. Ladies, leave at the very first sign pls.
very well said, and the blame is well apportioned too. Can't think of what else to add now.
ReplyDeleteBabe (even with malaria i provoke to react) all you said it correct but you forgot one thing.
ReplyDeleteThe skye babe was hardworking enlighntened and intelligent
all she wanted was to be mrs shogologbambuje
and why is that?
OUR SOCIETY DEVALLUES WOMEN AND EVEN DEVALUES THEM MORE WHEN THEY ARE SINGLE AND SUCCESFUL..
Now solution how can Nigeria be enlighthened enough to apprecaite a matured independent lady who is not married.
I just moved back and i don hear back talks of myelf not being married, THIS IS WHY I DIDNT WANT TO COME BACK, MY MOUTH ALONE WILL CAUSE MY MUM AND NOW MY DAD TO SLEEP IN DELIVBERANCE HOUSES CUS THEY TRAINED ME TO RECOGNISE BIULLSHI...ok if not that i am strong why i no go pick one rif raf whose only contribution is dick to marry? dick sef get grade chinese day taiwan dey etc (thats a joke) but you get my point.. e pain me dieeeeee cus my bff dey similar posirion married 2 years no issues but with hubby wey dey mistake nam for mikey tyson hisssss
(aneg eye dey turn me.lol, wish uyou the best with your awards sweets)
This is a nice post. marriage and beating no be only for marriage even for relationships sef men dey beat women. I don't, however, support or like any man who beats a woman because he feels he is the "MAN" of the house. Your post puts everything in to perspective.
ReplyDeleteNo one is permitted to take another's life regardless of the person's deeds.His reason will never make sense,trust me!
ReplyDeleteAS IN...!!!!! There are all to blame oh! I second this post jare!
ReplyDeleteAnd yup, totally voted for you :D
PS. I've changed my blog url! I decided to keep the blog on Blogger after all. Check out the link: http://museorigins.blogspot.com. Sorry for the inconvenience X_x
Adiya
Muse Origins (formerly The Corner Shop)
It is a wa. They say wonders sha never cease, but this wonder get as e be. Congrats on the nom!
ReplyDeletefirst of all ur sense of humour is amazing. I follow u on twitter.
ReplyDeleteI was at the last two services @ covenant christian centre and the pastor reffered to this issue and said "we have preached submission to this women so much we have forgotten protection"
I pray that this will not be our portion. As gbemisoke said it's easy to make mouth when you are not the one involved.
dude i bet you can make even something like cancer biology sound hilarious! :p
ReplyDeleteIndeed, it is not by force to marry. If one starts noticing something you cannot live with... it's good to quit because you cannot change any being on earth - only God can!
ReplyDeleteIt is indeed a sad story...
- LDP
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSince the news broke out, I always refer to it everyday somehow. My mom hasn't gotten over it too.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is we are all to be blamed, as men..who do the beating
as women...who keep quiet and endure
as neighbors & family...dat encourage the woman to be patient
I just remembered a movie "ENOUGH" that starred Jennifer Lopez as Slim,the abused wife who learns to fight back. Women!! if it means learning self -defense skills or moving out...please do what you have to do..
Life has no replacement..R.I.P titi
I don't know what provoked this man to do what he did, but it doesn't matter. Unless she was coming at him with a gun (or something of its kind), there is no reason for him to have stabbed her. Dissecting her like he was in a lab just goes to show that the man himself is mad. It's that simple.
ReplyDeleteloool.. u are the funniest writer (aside from some Latino dude) I writer I know...
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, I agree.. .. Men who beat their women have NO SELF CONTROL ... also, I believe that a man who loves you, adores you and if he adores you... he won't want to hit u.. instead he will just walk away or maybe scream soo loud .. and am sick of women making a man their "everything" like seriously?
plus that ur self defense theory loool.. makes sense
ReplyDeleteseriously..it's real funny how some women put up with abuse...yea women nag that's why she is a woman..i admit some nag way off key but hey the mugu knew b4 putting the ring on it...so why kill her...
ReplyDeleteGod help us all
on point...
ReplyDeleteon point...
ReplyDeletethanks ooo, you hhave said it all! One blame you forgot is society pressure on women. Women must marry by 25, women must remain in the marriage by fire by force. If she lives the marriage she is waywayrd/notsubsmissive *insert other retarded thoughts*, if she still lives and becomes a single mother society condemns her the very second she wakes up. Nigeri needs a big change ooo, and its just not funny!!!!
ReplyDeletelove e no reach at all at all oo..you yarn correct o jare
ReplyDeleteMy sista oh no be today nyash begin dey back at all?
ReplyDeleteI have always said the day that the guy hits you is the day you must to pack your load and run. Which kind love go make am hit you in the first place? If that one na love, me I no want
I thot I commented on this post. Apparently I took it over to share with my friends and didn't type anything in...my bad
ReplyDeleteI know ur internet is down right now but when you get a chance...please join in on my 100th post giveaway
http://crushthots.blogspot.com/2011/07/100th-post.html
This post makes sense. Chop knuckle.
ReplyDeletelol @ "If you beat your sisters as well, TAKE NOTE!" some guys never lay hands on women outside their family but beat shege out of their sisters and it just makes me wonder.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your award, you deserved it :*
i gbadun d way u mixed everything jere. correct pesin.
ReplyDeletethis our naija en, if pesin no comot clothes dey run naked for street, pple no go agree say he mad. me i think say the guy's stark raving mad so how do u continue to live with a mad man? o sumi o!
you blame everybody sha lol.well the man is a lunatic and the woman was stupid (may her soul rest in peace) if man slap me na my mama house e go come beg me talkless of beat nonsense.i no do for better for worse o,me na for worse for go i no come world to come suffer
ReplyDelete