If you've been 'toasted' lately please tell me about it!lol. I was just walking on my own jejely...with my red lipstick and red coat oh, na so one oyinbo boy just 'waylay' me... 'hey sexy, i like you, you 18?' ....I was confused. I just told him 'excuse me' and waka away briskly...first of all I nor like the angle wey d guy for corner me, you know all these crazy story's I watch on TV don put the fear of oyinbo in me. I sha made sure the guy was not trailing me. I really don't gbadun the way oyinbo boys toast girls, na to dey ask the girl age first ba? mscheeew and una know say 9ja girls no dey gree talk their age!
As I was walking I remembered all the different type of toasting, chyking, runzing I don get for this life... I remember those love letters that always start with the same format ..."Dear girl, i'm taking out my pen from my basket of love...." *sigh* Nobody writes those love letters anymore, or do they?
I remember...
A. The Dude in a Car
This guy slow down, park well,
Dude:'hey babygirl, the sun is too hot. Can I drop you off?"
Me: No thank you, you're not going in my direction.
Dude: Your direction is my direction baby...
I will rather trek than be used for blood money oh...call me paranoid sha.
End of Discussion
B. The Poet (This type na only songs dem dey memorize to toast girls. If you stop them halfway, dem go start again)
Runs up to me...
Poet: "Hello angel, as I was walking down the road my heart says stop, You are more beautiful than any...."
Me: Sorry?do I know you?
Poet: *clears throat* "Hello angel, as I was walking down the road my heart says stop , you are..."
Me: Sorry, im rushing somewhere.
End of Discussion
C. The Cheesy Lyricist (Always giving cheesy recycled pickup lines)
CheesyLyricist: "Was your father a thief?Cos I think he stole the stars and put them in your eyes."
Me: what?
CheesyLyricist: "I mean, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"
Me: *dumb look*
CheesyLyricisit: "What a lovely smile you have, do you use MacCleans toothpaste too?"
what has this boy been reading jor?
End of Discussion
D. The Familiar Guy (They always claim they have met you before...somewhere)
Familiar Guy: "Hi, your face looks familair, have we met before?"
Me: No
Familiar Guy: "Did you attend 'so&so school? how about this&that church? oh...it might be.."
Me: I have never seen you before , sorry.
Familiar Guy: "Well, your face looks familiar, my name is fred what is yours..."
Familiar ko, similar ni.
End Of Discussion
The best 'toasting' I got was from my boobookins...he didn't have to say anything at all. *covers face* lol. In the end it depends on if you're 'feeling the boy shebi??' I bet it's not easy to be a guy though.lol. Please Share your best/worst pick up lines with me....
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lolllllll!
ReplyDeleteor, when you are passing and the guys start whistling???
crazy way...ans i bet it hurts their ego when we just ignore them. smh...it is the way it is jare!
Thank you for acknowledging the fact that its not easy to be a Guy, The insults alone can make you wanna have a sex change..lol Anyway i really don`t like those pick up lines coz they do more harm than good,if you walk up to a girl nicely she would respond nicely,sad thing is some of us pick the wrong time to talk to a girl. As for the Oyimbo boy,i wanna tell you a lil story in his defense. A friend was in the U.K some summers ago,on his way from work he met this talk fine girl,did all the toasting,English just dey flow.sad thing is when he got to his point. he asked how old she was and she replied "13"..the guy just confuse. lol so my Oyimbo friend just wanted to make sure you are Legal. Nice Post and those responses u gave would surely not be forgotten by the recipients.
ReplyDeletelmao..... Yemi u r just a mad ghe.. lol, anyway don't blame the oyinbo for asking your age he no want police case for under age girl..lol, you know all these under 18 in this uk big pass me and you so the guy na wise boy.... but then again e good as u "waka away briskly" (lol)truly skynews story dey make person fear, so so missing girls then dem go come see their body 4 1 river or the other, too many mental people for this place....
ReplyDeleteAnyway as for toasting line the common 1 these days na "Marriage".
guy: hi
girl: hello
guy: you are so preety.
Girl:thank you.
guy: i really like you, I don't want to date you I want to marry you.
lmao... mumu, anyway I no blame them when 9ja carry marriage 4 head, and the men they exploit the thin.
then the 1 i got last week from a friend of a friend.
Guy: seriously I like you.
Me: lol.
Guy: y r u laffing? I'm serious. I want us to be together.
Me: together as what? are you not a married man?
Guy: it doesn't matter,we can work around it.
Me: very funny,ur not serious hiss...
Guy: Ok if you dont want me, give me that your friend (he points to her).
Me: Give u my friend? do I look like her mother? go and take na.
LMAO... all these guys sha funny people.
Some yrs back, I'd just finished my NYSC in Abuja. I lived with my father's friend in Maitama, it was an area where U had to own a car...u'll need to walk quite a distance b4 u can get a taxi & boy, in the scorching sun, it's something u don't wanna do. So, on this particular day I was going out, as I stepped out of the gate, this oyinbo inside jeep 'jus' park for my side.
ReplyDeleteOyinbo: Hello pretty, let me give u a ride
Me: Thinking of this waka inside sun, I hopped in. Shebi he is oyinbo, he can not use me for rituals or rape me.
Oyinbo: straight to biz....'u're pretty, how old are u?' I told him.
'Oh u look 19, I like you, Can you be my mistress?'
Me: Jesus is lord! See oyinbo man wey wan scatter my life, which one is mistrees again? I gave him a cold yoruba look with a sharp No.
Oyinbo: (Parks his car)Ok then, U can hop out.
Me: Thankfully, we were on the busy highway then & I could easily get a cab. I gave him a cheeky smile & hopped out...anuofia!
That was by far the funniest I got...he was honest sha, no mention of love, just a mistress to have oshofree sex with...lol.
kai sisi yemmie lwkmd! iv had quite a few myself..there was this one guy back when i was in SS1..he went: i want to make love to you!!!!!!, i scrammed away..lol
ReplyDeleteVery funny post. My days of being toasted are a distant memory....lol.
ReplyDeleteLOL....The best chat up line I got was in uni.
ReplyDeleteA well known 'cult boy' had been toasting me off and on for over a year.
One day, I was reading in an empty classroom and he came and sat beside me. He said:
'Let's cut out the bullsh*t. I want us to go back to my room, smoke weed and F*CK !!
I ran out of the classroom and left my books behind. LOL
@ Naijamum, LMAO LWKMD!!!!
ReplyDeleteOk, *recovers composure*
Sisi Yemmie, I have not been toasted lately because Mr Strong will take a cutlass to anyone who tries. However, should I be toasted in the near future (safe away from the cutlass of Mr Strong), the guy had better not say "I think your face is familiar". I may just get the cutlass myself. I prefer "dear girl as I take my pen from the basket of love..." ;-)
Rib tickler of a post.
Lol, nice post! U think u hav seen it all? Not yet. Check out the ridiculous letter I received from my fathers's employee when I was in JSS3 wayback in 1994. Here goes....
ReplyDeleteDear Betty, ever since I saw u, my heart has stopped beatg. I had kept it to myself all d while but it is now time to take the Bull by its horns..because my IMPRESSION of u, without my EXPRESSION to u, would lead to my DEPRESSION!......bla bla bla! See lyrics n rhymes. lol.
ROFL LWKM Chei,this gurl you funny no be small.I especially like the lame line "I picked up my pen from a basket of love",so hilarious.Meanwhile,i have not been toasted lately cos i do the toasting and nope,i no go give my lines.
ReplyDeleteIncidentally, I've been toasted by someone who said my face was "similar" . An ambulance was required to carry my laughter wrecked body away from the scene of said toasting.
ReplyDeleteLMAO
ReplyDeleteI don't have any to share (I have a way of blocking bad memories). I came to do gbegborun! Lol!
ReplyDeletelool! many guys re really lame.. I hear some lines and my next reaction is "WTH??" smh.
ReplyDeleteI get creeped most by those ones that offer rides (all races) criminal minds makes me all paranoid about them lol
and The funny thing about those that "can drive you wherever you want" is they don't ask in winter o nonsense lol
BUT....it totally depends on if she is "feeling" the boy o... then babe starts smiling and the rest lol
Guys, plenty laughter dey here o!
ReplyDeleteOk, During one of my xmas vacations years ago, I was told by a village pastor that his heart finds peace whenever he sees me, 'then be my wife and give me everlasting peace' chukwu aju!
na me be God wey dey give peace?
I must say that its really heard for the guys, tosting a gurl is not easy at all for them especially when they go for those in a class higher than theirs.
Sorry guys, just keeep trying , you may be lucky with the next babe.
This had me laughing hard!
ReplyDelete*sigh* From my experiences:
Naija guys have d funniest, mind boggling toasting/pick up lines ever.
White folks are usually straight to the point.
Akata guys usually tell u how they wanna f**k u so bad or how beautiful they think you are. Their main thing is to get u to smile first before they begin to ramble.
Naija/African guys-- wellsss! let's just say they throw everything but the kitchen sink at you, hoping at least one would stick.
lool
At the end of the day, what really matters is if you feeling the boy yea...
hehehe
.....But a very wack/disturbing line can actually make me stop feeling the boy sha...
#justsaying
LMAO!! oh man i remember some of them sha...hahahaha oyinbo boy miss road
ReplyDeleteLoool @The Real World and NIL... really funny!!
ReplyDeleteHahahaha!!! I hate that familiar guy thing. But it's true oh, guys have it tough
ReplyDeleteLove the posts lol. And thanks for your encouraging comment :D
Adiya
You just took me way back, and now I'm smiling. Atala used one corny line like that. Before then, kai so many lifts in naija, whistling, etc...
ReplyDeleteLooolll. I remember those days. Guys have really suffered dissing from some ladies o.
ReplyDeleteLol a boobookins. Its all about feeling the boi
Lol. I sometimes walk faster when a rather posh car with tinted glass follows me. Yes, i am paranoid too. The stories about town don't help much too.
ReplyDeleteI got love letters too. So cute.
What's with some guys telling you how sexy you are and start talking about sex immediately sef on top they wan date you? The crazy ones i guess.
I loved the post Yemmie girl!
lmbo! omg the poet is the worst one, and most times the poet usually has a thick accent (igbo to be precise lol)
ReplyDeletelwkmd! Sisi Yemmie, you gotta win the laughter award ooo.
ReplyDeleteYour toast-samples, NIL's, Betty Poo's, The real world's, I no fit hold my side.
Nice one!
lol!!!! I cant even think of the most ridiculous toaster I've had... I sha know say I don see plenty kolos! u 18? LMAO!!!!!!
ReplyDeletejokes ..............
ReplyDeleteomo if you were a guy you would have nuff lines ....
i hope girls still fall for this lines on the weekend ... maybe the "cheesy lyricist"
Yu re so funny sisi Yemmie.
ReplyDeleteloool.. i love this post... you are scared of them oyinbo man. i don't blame you. those are the ones that chop up their girlfriends and burry them in the cellar. *God for bid*
ReplyDeleteanyways the worst and funniest 'churpsin" I got was this 16 year old boy (and I am 20)
I got out of my car infront of a shop, and before i could even move two steps he goes
'oi ma size, can man talk to you'
i looked at him smiled and said babe you are not a man yet. he just laughed and went lol.
x
Very funny post! lwkmd! Yeah, I think those pick-up lines only work on oyibo chicks o who go laugh at the stupidity of the line but still think its cute. As for me sha, I used to be the poetry type but I learn my lesson well o, nowadays I stick to a simple Hi, how are you doing with a nice smile. Works better
ReplyDeletelol lol lol...
ReplyDeleteI hated that whistling thing...so very annoying...lifts? Me I used to run oh...ha!
That Oyibo no try oh.
bahahahaha at "blood money" too much naija movies..but yea guys can be very creative with that ish..but you got bobo so remove your eye or tell them you are married, that always works for me. LOL
ReplyDeleteBlessings.....
ReplyDeleteIs that what you call them? Toasts? hmmmmmm, interesting title eh. I have an outrageous one for you, please make sure you sitting down for this and close your mouth when you read it cause am sure it will be left open. I will relay just a small piece and exactly as it happened.
I was walking through the Kensington Market on day and saw this very dark rastaman. He is not cute by any means though I don't get carried away by cuteness cause it don't put money in the bank or pay my rent. Anywho there i was trying to make up my mind which stall/shop to attend to first when he appoarched me. I will use his exact words (hope I don't offend).
"hey sistah (Jamaican Accent), hmmmmm, you look good (he looks me up and down, undressing me with his eyes)and then says, "lemme fuck you nah, ah want to hold on to that sweet body and just fuck you all night." and he lick his lips. My response in a nut shell? I just busted out laughing - and trust I don't laugh softly. would that be considered a toast? Sorry but you ask me to share...hehe.
i thought i was following your blog, no wonder i never receive your posts and they look funny too. anyways reading all these have made me smile.
ReplyDeleteLngkmdfh! U shaaa! U're just a case. That "R-Kelly" guy's still cracking me up!
ReplyDeleteOk, I'm not one to toast a 'random' meet - but as per bobo na, every now and again, u will sha wanna smell what's in d kitchen. So, I play it veeery psychological; I analyze my target and see what's needed. sometimes, I'm hyper funny, sometimes I'm downright awkward; give u somin that makes em blink intently - and by d time they conjure d "r u serious" look, I look straight into their eyes, answer d question and toss in an 'allure'.
One time, while in nysc camp, this cute chic didn't know perfumes drew the flies. So, she had quite a "followership". I looked back and said *edited* "I don't blame em. It takes a lot for me not to join em. ....". Worked a treat but follow-ups r quite a bother - particularly when it was always just an "aside"
LMAO! Sisi Yemmie, u got me laughing really bahd.... Naija toasting ryhmes....
ReplyDelete@ The real world: lol.
Lmao! I love this and i just might share it :)
ReplyDeleteGuys have really suffered in the hands of gals o. As a secondary school boy I used to write love letter with all the sweet nonsense like 'roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you' etc etc etc. But as an undergraduate , I toasted ladies directly as in face to face. But there was this one that I toasted and the next the said was that let's go to the buttery. I quickly applied abracadabra and vanished with my toasting. I no dey chop for buttery (na 0-0-1 I dey do).
ReplyDeleteI will start a campain with the guys in the 'toasting class' to stop toasting ladies. let's see how gals will fare.
FUNNY.. Stuff..
ReplyDeleteLOLing heavily..
ReplyDeleteWhen I hear some pick up lines, I say to myself, "that guy sef messed up". Sincerely, it depends on the kind of lady o... Not all pick up lines work for all ladies. You have to look very well. Some like you to include some measure of 'respect' and 'praise' in those lines; while some would see that as rubbish or flattery and not even look at you.
CHEI! Gone are those days mehn.. Now I am hooked! lol
- LDP
Hi, I tagged you in the Sunshine award. Please, visit my blog for more directions.
ReplyDelete@Rhapsody B. you got me gurl! I had to close my mouth shut... lol
ReplyDelete@Surprise Touché!
When a guy comes, saying "ehm, you know..., I think..." Then he finds out you're engaged or married! He says "(clears his throat) we can still be friends, now!" Then he finds out you're not a teenager! You graduated from the University 4yrs ago! He goes "Oh, ok... Then I can call you my Aunty then... So Aunty... (he forgotten your name)...
Lol... Can't believe some guys still get fooled like that... Girls too, shockingly
Good one, can I share? On FB!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog! Please share it wherever you want!!! Lol
ReplyDeleteRoses dem Red;
ReplyDeleteViolets dem Blue;
A face like ya own,
Na zoo hin belong.
No feel bad;
No feel blue;
All ya friends;
Dem wowo too.
...trust me,u'l definitely av d chic's attention. d only thing be say na SLAAAAAPPPPPP go follow that attention.
Good job Sisi Yemmie
Good job Sisi Yemmie. hmmmm...i really need to share mine. it happened recently at the market. This guy with a fake British accent walked up to me and said the usual "Hi, your face looks familiar, have we met before?" I smiled and i said nope. He asked if i attended unilag and i said yes. we talked for like 2 minutes and he had a call...the next thing, his phone went off. He then begged me to help cos the call was kinda important to him. I gave him my phone, turned my back to pay the woman i bought stuffs from and the next thing the guy disappeared with my phone. I had 2 phones with me, so i dialed my number, he picked and said "Sorry oh! I am coming right away". i waited and waited, the idiot no gree show up. I was so pissed that i wanted to give maself a very heavy knock.
ReplyDeleteThe Familiar Guy, this is my story, ahan! They always know me from somewhere! And I'm not a celebrity yet ;)
ReplyDelete