Pay me and my husband to 'DO'? Woohoooo!

I was reading Verastic's blog and I stumbled upon this Yotaro. Hmmm...I must to talk on this one oh. Well, this Yotaro is a robot that was created by the Japanese to create more parental feelings in Japanese couples and encourage them to decide to have babies inshort a baby stimulator. Apparently the Yotaro does most things a baby does except shit...and we all know that shit stink, and if you havn't dealt with baby shit before a Yotaro cannot help you understand one. Anyone that gets pregnant due to this Yotaro is going to have the shock of their lives when they give birth...babies can cry, babies just wont sleep at night, babies get sick, babies are not easily placeted with just a touch on the forehead, baby giggles dont come cheap-you've got to pull a lot of stunts to entertain them, babies wear diapers and we all no say pampers no cheap for market, babies need food...babies grow up. I dont see the Yotaro fitting into this bill.

NIGGA MOMENT AVERTED! SIGH...

 To those who do not understand what a nigga moment is I will do the honour enlightening of you – “a nigga moment is when ignorance overwhelms the mind of an average male - to put it plainly, they act like niggas”...Urban Dictionary. This is sooo typical of a nigga moment; it can be caused by something as little as what happened today and you know I will yarn you the tory. It’s been a long time I saw a bunch of 9ja folks in one place, so I was pretty excited. It was a friend’s baby dedication – an igbo family dedicating their twin girls. So you know how the levels dey naw. After escourting dem to church to dedicate the pikins, the real dedication is when we do bumper to bumper go their house. You know how we 9ja do naw. There was pepper soup, jollof rice, fried rice, egusi and eba...that’s A LOT of Nigerian food if you are married to a Grenadian lady and live in Grenada. I quickly settled down to demolishing he different 9ja delicacies, I chop round one, round two well, enough for lunch and dinner. It was a pretty scene...the only thing missing was some Oliver de Coque playing in the background.

BUNGEE JUMPING? ... AM I MAHD???

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I agree, it’s a beautiful day for so many activities but there  is one that will never make it to my list- sky diving or bungee jumping.  I’m not into sports, I think my best sporting is walking or running to catch the train! That’s the best I do. I was kinda bored and looking for an activity to do, someone mentioned boat sailing (good), surfing (I don’t know how to), but bungee jumping? (Oh hell noooooooooo!) - I’m bored NOT crazy!

I read in the paper’s a while ago about how two people (man n a young girl below 30 years) plunged to their deaths. The man was above 50 years old with about 30 years of experience in bungee jumping. Even though both of them were experienced in this sport along the way, their parachutes got intertwined during descent and they plummeted to their deaths. ‘Tis very sad and it happens often however there are people that still get away with this sport successfully.

Am I the only one who remembers???....wow!

I stumbled on oldies from the 70's and 80's and they brought back so much memories of my childhood in warri...lets have fun going thru them. This list is by no means exhaustive...just a taste of the oldies..you can always find more on youtube. Enjoy!

1.MIKE OKRI "OKPEKE

2. FELIX LIBERTY "IFEOMA"



3. ALEX ZITO "WALAKOLOMBO"



4 EDNA OGOLI "JEALOUSY"



5. RAS KIMONO "RUMBA STYLE"



6. MIKE OKRI "TIME NA MONEY"



7. BLAKKY "CAN I HAVE A DANCE ROSIE"



8. SHINA PETERS "ESE O"



9. JUNIOR & PRETTY "BOLANLE"



10. NEL OLIVER "WAJOO"



11. DONT KNOW ARTISTE OR NAME OF SONG BUT IT MUST BE PLAYED AT MY WEDDING!



12. CHRISTY IGBOKWE "SEUN RERE"

Happy fathers day papa! sorry, "DAD"!

HA! Its 20th of june oh, father's day!!! If you haff not call your papa, berra call him now before the man go disown you. Me I understand and know how to give honour to whom honour is due;I kiss the right ass. Me i haff buy my daddy his father's day gift since, like 1 month ago. Na him the money dey come from now (I have not gained independence yet), and giving to your daddy is like paying tithe. The man has money na, me I don't have kobo except the allawi he gives to me, ehen, so on father's day I give him 2% and then he is very happy, but he don forget say na him give me the money wey I use buy am present. And the good thing is?give and more shall be given unto you, maybe next time he might add jara to my pocket money (fingers crossed)

Father's dey try oh. I sat down and I just wonder how do they do it? Daddies hussle to provide for their children, and the monther or mother's as the case may be (for those carry overload). They buy you christmas cloth every year, pay your school fees and try's their best to send you to the bestest school they can afford. He make sure say he give your mother garri money- and if he no fit kasala go burst. He will also send money for inlaws, and his extended family that want to suck him dry like parasite, as if they have shares in his salary. All these he will do while trying to meet up with societal norms and status quo.

IT'S A MAN'S WORLD OUT THERE.....IS IT???

I just finished watching the best yoruba movie i can ever remember watching and this movie made me cry (despite all my agidi-stronghead. I was fighting the tears, trying to give it odeshi). Which movie made me cry like this? hmmm the last i can remember is one bollywood movie like that, however we all know how emotional bollywood movies can get- with all the singing (sorrowful singing) and sad faces (i give it to them for being able to fetch emotions out of the wells called us). Well, this story is not about bollywood,but of the world we live in...Is it a man's world?

If you havnt watched any yoruba movie in your life I'll suggest that you start with Ohun Oko So'mida- Starring Sola Shobowale (many kisses and hugs to her....even smooches sef), Oga Bello and Pa Kasumu (erm....sorry google these names). Its the typical story we hear everyday, poor husband and wife, the wife forfeits her education to support her broke husband in school amidst many difficulties, he becomes succesful and when he don chop belleful he decides to take a second wife (I know some will say " what is new about this?"). Anyways, the ungrateful husband finally picks an ignorant okpelenge, divorces his wife, takes full custody of the kids AND withdraws every single kobo left in their JOINT ACCOUNT. The woman in question out of frustration (who wont be?) takes a gun and shoots the olodo okpelenge and her husband just days before their wedding and na so kata kata burst. You need to watch this movie to see the whole bruhaha unfold. I wish i could do one of those annoying adverts i see on tv.

TO TELEPORT OR NOT?

I hate flying...i no like am at all, i love the fact that its fast oh, no doubt but I hate the risk attached...why can’t we just apparate like in Harry Potter?, all i need is a broomstick abi? WHY cant we just vanish??? Why cant someone just invent some pill that we just swallow and then we find ourselves in our desired location? I know that’s close to witchcraft sha but i just want to teleport. This blog is basically about my boring 10 hour flight that induced me to think about teleporting! Why cant i just say ‘beam me up scotty’! ? (as in Star Trek)

4.30 am
I woke up, took a fast shower and dressed up (one of the few times I find a dress asap without going thru a crisis and that’s because I’ve arranged the dress like one week ago.) Well I sit and I wait for the cab that is supposed to arrive 5 am on the dot.

5.30am
Why has this taxi man not  come now? I just siddon dey vex with myself, and I’m ranting and getting nervous like, if this man make me miss my flight, wo! What I will do to him he will never forget- ahn ahn...he’s 30 mins late. I no wan reach road and then one nonsense hold up go delay me oh...i kept thinking of lagos traffic and my anger dey gain momentum-my lipstic don clean and i don don dey sweat for d cold weather-. Oya i called taxi man n he goes “im on the A-13 road, i’ll soon be there”....who cares????if you like be on d A-finish  that’s not my consine, you’re supposed to be here!!!! All I could think of is why can’t I just teleport???

5.45am
Taximan finally shows up and off we go. Since the trip to the airport was going to be an hour long I had already preplanned to complete my sleep on my way, so I settled in comfortably and closed my eyes. Taxi man apparently wanted to gist and he kept asking me about 9ja and if Lagos is still the way he left it 25 years ago – he mentioned names of places he used to visit and I’m thinking to myself how can I sleep now? baba yi , je kin sun naw! I indulged him a little and I diplomatically answered his questions. After a comfortable 3 minutes of silence I went back to sleep. Just when i was changing gear on my sleep taximan started another conversation. Trust me, I pretended not to hear and closed my eyes hoping he would just sharrap but d man no gree- he nudged me “are you sleeping??” and in my head I’m screaming “whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat????? “but in real life im smiling politely in cold anger saying ‘yes I’m sleeping,’ I even yawned for effect  but d man mean bizness, he kept on ranting on how oyinbo’s hate blakky’s and all of that and I’m nodding and smiling stupidly...and wondering..Why can’t I just teleport to the airport????

7.15am
Arrived airport and im eager to leave taximan but he insists on waiting till I board. Okay, thats niceeee...but I didn’t want to continue the conversation. Well I didn’t. Taximan decided to carry my luggage and be looking for passengers he will carry back to town...and I’m freaking out cos im next on the long queue to check in and I can’t find my luggage...hmmm this man don dey make me vex! Finally he arrives in time and I check luggage in.

9.00am
I’m aboard and I’m fretting- I’m one of those people that have a panic attack when flying... before i entered the plane, I inspected it on the outside, and I’m thinking to myself “did they wash it today?” why is it looking dirty one kind? if outside is not so clean i wonder how the engine will be, did they check the engine this morning? hope the plane is not over loaded? How come the plane can fly so high in the air as heavy and as big as it looks? Yes, I kept asking all these questions. That when I started praying. You know people tend to “born again” when they are travelling, or they redicate their lives to God or to whatever juju that they are serving. I made sure I confessed all my sins, all the sins I’ve ever sinned and I was just saying, God i don’t wanna die today ohhhh. Yes I was freaking out! And i was just really hoping that someday I would be able to teleport!

1.15pm
I awake from my short slumber and I look out the window...and all I can see is water, the Atlantic Ocean. I remember that bad ass joke wey Basketmouth abi na which comedian talk and I gulp in fear. I keep rehearsing in my head how to use a life jacket and I kept wondering why i haven’t learnt to swim after all the lessons my dear friend gave me.  I was wondering about the ash cloud and if it has really cleared.  I was looking for what to distract me, I no get magazine, my battery was low so i couldn’t listen to some music and the girl beside me was sleeping so soundly. I badly wanted to pull taximan’s stunts on her but she looked tough- I no wan chop slap so I maintain.  Suddenly the plane hit turbulence and I screamed “daddy”! ... and all the dudes in the plane were whooping happily-apparently they have been looking forward to it- i bin wan talk say “thunder fire una” but i remember say we dey d same plane ,if thunder fire dem e go touch me too so i sharrap.. I dey shake... I just wanna teleport to my location.....

6.00pm
Finally arrived at my destination and I’m just thinking of how to invent a teleporting pill. Someone should invent something like that so that people like me can avoid all these panic attacks when travelling  either by road, sea, or air.  We all should be able to teleport!!! Eishhh!!

I like my nose!!! How often do you affirm yourself???

How often do we affirm ourselves? I know i talk to the mirror alot but most of the time im not acually affirming myself, im probably looking for the new pimples that cropped up during the night, looking for the latest scars on my body and muttering to myself...."what is this now ehn?? look at this nonsense pimple, see my nose (i think so many people have issues with their nose as well ~)  see craw-craw, see my small hips, see my short hair, why i no be half-caste sef, which kain mirror be dis sef"....i dont say all these words sha but i do complain!

However on a very good day i look in the mirror  im like...see God's handwork!I do a little konko below and sometimes a little shakira dance and I try to just to affirm myself and speak positive things into my life. You should try it as well sometime,its not an easy road to travel but its a good thing to do.