Acts of children gone wrong and a trip down memory lane

I woke up this morning, the sun was shinning, birds were singing…and then she showed up.I was about to start my devotion when she barged into my room like a little tornado, ruining everything with every step she took. One look at her and I knew I was in for another day with oby the mischievious. She went straight for my make up kit and before I could gather my wits she had already taken out the eye shadow and began to rub viciously around her eyes. I do not mess with my make up! As soon as I yelled “drop that! She looked at me and laughed! That annoying laughter that tells you “ha ha ha, im not going to stop, do ur worst” I said ehen? Ok now. Immediately, in one jump I seized my prized objects from her grasp and placed it gently on the bed. And in a stern voice I said “get out! This is Sparta!!! Lol. Not really.

“Oby the mischievious” ran out of my room. I was shocked that she was so obedient. Oby is a strong headed child with the stubbornness of an old goat. “So she can obey instructions”….i mused to myself. I was about to celebrate when I heard the generator give a loud belch. W-h-a-t! I raced towards the Gen house to see what was wrong just in time for me to see Oby the mischievious scurring away like a sly fox. Apparently, the little cheek in annoyance had turned on the iron n some other electric appliances that were not compatible with then small I-better-pass-my-neighbor-generator.”

Oh no! She didn’t!” you say? Words cannot express what I wanted to do to her. But I will sum it up in words like; “cane”, “koboko”,”bulala”pick pin, “hot-dirrrty-super-slap”(not d regular),”konk”( there is a difference between knock on the head and konk!)….etcetera, etcetera.

However I was calm and shook her till her little head almost fell off, then I frisked her by the arm,and dropped her like a hot plate outside my house and slammed my door. Good riddance to bad rubbish! So because I told her to drop my make up she is angry, abi? Small rat…this is not the first time I will tell her to leave my make up alone, to stop jumping on my bed, to stop making noise, to stop changing the channel from AFMAG to Cartoon Network when im still seated there engrossed in Dakore, Ini edo n the likes(who taught her how to operate remote that one sef?).Chie! I suffer. Oby is so stubborn and spoilt. And her mum has such a soft spot for her that you dare not punish her.Is she helping?No

Let me list the traits of a spoilt child to you;

1. She would say shut up to her mom everytime…(ha she dare not try it with her father, d man no dey take nonsense)

2. She would refuse to eat anything but indomie in her house but come to mine and swallow big eba..

3. In public when you bend down and say “Oby, behave” she would slap you!

4. She would dictate the TV channel in the house and hog the DSTV remote all day long.

5. She would annoyingly want to wear pampers when she should be wearing her panties.

6. She would beg a neighbor’s kid for their 5naira biscuit when she is holding big pack of hobnobs n jumbo coke.

7. When you carry her baby brother instead of her, she would try to push him off the pram or stick her finger in his eyes.

8. She would point at everything and want her parents to buy them

9. Etc….Etc….

In fact I can go on and on about the trait of “Oby the mischievious”. All these acts of “children gone wrong” could not happen in my parents’ household. Who born you??? Ha! When I was just like Oby, I dare not go to a birthday party and eat without my mom’s say-so. If she smiles at you, it means you have been approved to eat the food. Then she had one other look that when you saw, you dare not touch the plate of mouth watering jollof n chicken. I’m sure many mom’s had “the look “…kai! Try and trespass after you’ve seen that look and you go know who born you when you reach house. That is if she is in a good mood. If she really dey vex for you, na right there the thing go happen. My mama no dey shame to flog you outside oooh! She will flog you in front of your friends that you be too ashamed to go to school for the next one week! Infact, if what you did is so much of a sin ehn, her friend will punish you too when she hears. That’s called “collabo” beating

When we go out to visit and you do not kneel on your two tiny knees to greet…she go pinch you till your skin peel! Or twist your ear ehnnnn! If she doesn’t patience, she will knock your head straight down! I got so many knocks, perhaps that’s why im not so tall.Lol. Papa no miss out.He was the chief flogger! Imagine, my daddy will say “Oluwayemisi Oyeyemi Aderonke Adetola, give me the remote” and I will say “shut up”! Chei!I don die be that. Oh! My father will lie you down and flog you till all your yansh peel. I remember one day in primary school (I was a climber, climb trees, climb the house gate, climb tables, climb anything), I climbed one Indian almond tree (ebelebo tree)…as I was plucking the fruits, they fell to the ground and one annoying boy was picking them all and eating it. Monkey dey work baboon dey chop abi?? I flew down from d tree but unfortunately my uniform got stuck on one of the branches. You can imagine what happened next. What happened in 1978 happened to me. The branch broke and I crashed face first onto the hard cement ground. And I broke my nose. Oh the pain! Oh the bleeding! My father arrived just in time to see me falling from the high tree, he thought I had passed out, but when I staggered to my feet and he knew I was alive.( I wished I was dead) He took the branch and flogged me even with my nose bleeding! That is the extent to which you shouldn’t misbehave.

It was as if as I child I couldn’t do anything right; I always got the most beats and punishments, well of course being the oldest sibling in the house. But seriously, where do I start!!!

From the shoe, to the belt, to the wooden spoon (“omorogun” or “otoneba” used for making amala), anything in sight was good enough as long as the force was behind it! Then as I got older the slaps came... my parents were the best backhanders ever. You don chop backhand slap before? You never see it coming.

List of punnishments I did (use them and you will be helping your kids).They will be classified into three:
A- Quickee punishments(thats quickie punishment when u do a fly by crime its like a reflex even before ur done thinkin of the stupidty of your actions
B- Regular Punnishment
C- Super Duper Punnishment


A-Quickee punnishments
1. ”Abara”- ah! It’s a very hot slap on your back!Immediatley u get it, u go piss for body
2. “Pinch”…tha one is used mostly in the public,my mother will pinch ur stomach ehn, till all the flesh
came out.
3.” Konk”... knock on the head that helps you refocus
4. “Omorogun”-....the wooden spoon used to make eba or amala…


B- Regular Punnishments
1.”Pick pin”- Chei….balancing on one leg, it was so painful
2.”The Bata” ….shoe preferable with a nice heel ...
3. The Sapatu ..flip flop ....if it was new it would leave you with an interesting pattern
4. “Froggy”….You hop like a frog with your hands holding your ears till you pass out.


C- Super Duper punnishments
1. “The Belt” no xplanations needed
2. Koboko- Im sure everyone knows this one
3. Multiple- Multiply all the punnishments above and use the same day, on the same child.


Im sure you can come up with more!


For all the skakara i make in this my life, I've come a looong way Oh…I wrote all of this to let you know that it is not a crime to flog or punish a child for misdeeds. I turned out okay, didn’t I? lol.ts only when you start abusing the child...and im sure everyone knows when it turns to child abuse.
And its not everytime you hand out all these punishments ooo.My parents knew how to "promise" you a good whooping...and you will get it.


I think I should pass this note to Oby’s mom. She will need it.